Katy in Training

So I am doing better then I was a week ago. Life is always getting in my way, I need to go on Biggest loser where you get to leave life behind, and work on losing weight. I have lost a pound or so, that's good. I think my biggest issue right now, is the disappointment I have felt over gaining weight I just lost back again, and I am ashamed to be honest. It makes me so ANGRY, and mostly at myself. I have no will power, and no desire to exercise. I am trying hard this week, so hopefully it will pay off. I am eating oatmeal for breakfast ( low sugar, low cal), a lean cusine or salad for lunch, and a small portion of what I fix for the kids for lunch, I am eating a apple every day too. So here is where I will cry, complain, moan, look for motivation from my sister in life, and from you too. I want to lose this weight for good!!!

My entire life I have been on one extreme or the other of weight, there for awhile after Avery I was "normal". As a teenager I struggled with anorexia, and I tried bulimia, but it's hard to make yourself puke when you have no gag reflex. I was obsessed with weighing 99 pounds, yea crazy when your 5'7. I looked like a sack of bones, I remember my ribs sticked out further then my breasts, now my belly does HA HA. So two weeks ago I thought I was ready to lose weight, turns out I wasn't, so now I am up more weight then I was a month ago. I vow I will not gain another pound. I am so determined to lose this weight. My hubby is gone, and I have no reason not to exercise, and avoid the crap he loves to eat (sorry Hun but you sure love fattening food..). He's one of those lucky people who eat whatever and still lose weight. I am obsessed with food, one way or the other, always. I want to overcome this addiction and be healthy and normal. I don't want to starve myself, but I don't want to eat when I am sad and stressed out anymore. Honestly today I have struggled because I miss my husband, and all I want to do is shove a cookie or something in my mouth. I did exercise today. And if for any reason, I need to lose weight for my health. So here it is today, weigh in day..... And I weighed 218...blak.. I have gained almost all the weight I lost back. A year ago I was 189. So here I go, I said it, for the world to know ( Dylett's idea...lol, to put it out there so I will lose it forever) I am doing this for ME...not a wedding, not my husband, not my kids, not for whatever.. but for ME!!

Katy

p.s.
I still want that damn cookie.